By Annalise Cain
The times I feel the most alone are when I am near the greatest of friends. We make little jokes and I throw them up in the air like confetti to distract from what I keep secret from them.
Aversion of the eyes, slight of hand.
I am a licensed magician. And being as good as I am, I sometimes mix my tricks and reality, I get lost within the illusion, and I hide behind the smoke and mirrors once I look into them and see a disfigured creature. I hide behind them and I feel so alone hiding behind my own reflection.
No one can stand being alone.
We start out as two, back to one and sometimes back to two if we’re lucky.
Some people start out as two and end up as 72.
Now, I don’t believe in God, maybe I just don’t like the idea of some bearded guy, eating potato chips in the sky, calling all the shots. I don’t trust that easily.
But for the first time in a long, long time I am beginning to see God’s gorgeous ears. They are big and spherical and ugly as hell, but they can catch all your troubles like a well-used baseball glove.
And sometimes I need to play a little existential game of catch.
So maybe I’m not pretty, maybe I’m not smart or nice or talented, maybe I’m just plain old different. But if that has kept me all alone all my life, I’m sure my imagination is twice the mass yours will ever grow because mine grew to accommodate the holes your expectations ate into the garments of my being like vicious little moths.
And maybe I don’t believe in God, but we all started out as two and we are all cut from the same cosmos, and we all came prepared with our notes and highlighters, why are we only allowed in so many sections of this heaven-shaped sphere of mortality?
I thought we all came from two.
I thought we all were cut from the same cosmos.
I thought we all were the children of God.
Annalise Cain, 16, is a student at a Pioneer Valley Performing Arts High School, and is hoping to pursue theater and creative writing. One of her favorite lines she's ever written: 'I am the designated Benedict Arnold of my family.' One of her favorite lines she's ever uttered: 'For that, it is not night when I do see your face.' Over and out.
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